I think it all started a week or so ago when he came out of his room after we'd put him to bed whining because a book was ripped. We told him to just leave the book on his floor and we'd take care of it in the morning but he continued to whine about the book to the point that I, in a moment of frustration (and obviously not thinking things through), told him to just throw the book downstairs through the banisters overlooking the living room. Not because I was going to fix it but because I wanted him to forget about it and go to sleep. Several nights since then he's whined about books that were ripped and we've told him to just leave them on the floor and that we weren't going to tell him to throw books downstairs anymore. He hasn't specifically asked to throw the books downstairs, but I'm pretty sure that's what he's hoping for.
In any case, Jason and I both had talks with him tonight about how we're supposed to take care of books and his punishment tonight was that he didn't get a bed-time story. You'd think we'd taken away his blankie! Jason told him very calmly, "well, you obviously don't like books so we don't need to read one tonight." They made a deal that Drew could still keep a book in bed with him tonight (he always sleeps with a book) and if he didn't hurt the book, he could have story-time back tomorrow. I think that was a pretty creative solution on Jason's part.
Now my issue is what to do with the torn book. It's been a thing of mine to try and teach Drew that some actions have permanent consequences. Like breaking his piggy bank- it's broken for good, the pieces are too small to glue back together and I'm not going to go out and buy another one when he wasn't being careful like we asked him to be. Obviously it's a hard concept for a toddler (being careful, things break, etc.), but it's a lesson that will be learned through experiences just like this. I've already taped the book back together (though we're still missing a page) because I can't stand to get rid of the book, but I don't want him to learn that he can break things and we'll always fix them. This is really an issue that goes much deeper for me, as a teacher, seeing so many kids who make mistakes (not doing homework, not studying, cheating on a test) and seeing parents rush in to dig them out of trouble saying, "I'll help you this time, but now you've learned your lesson and you won't do it again". But they don't learn their lesson and they do do it again and mom or dad continue to dig them out each time they make a new mistake thinking they're just protecting their child. Obviously it's a bit early and far-fetched to be thinking along those lines at this point, but what can I say? I'm a teacher. And I figure, why not try to teach him the lesson now, with something small like a ripped book, rather than something bigger later.
One solution I thought of is that the book can go to James now since Drew "obviously didn't like it" (even though it's a favorite of his) but I don't want to create sibling rivalry or jealousy either. So, I'm curious for some opinions- should I give the book back to him? Give it to James? Take it away for a little while? I believe in "natural consequences"- punishments that flow naturally as a result of certain behaviors. I'm just not sure what makes the most sense in this case. Yes, it's just a book, but the bigger idea is taking care of the things that belong to you and sometimes things can't just be fixed easily.
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