Greedy or unfair?

On top of wondering about names and nurseries, I'm starting to wonder about a second baby shower. I've been asked by a few people if I'm going to have another one.

First,  I used to work with several older ladies at my previous school who frequently complained about having to attend, and buy gifts for, showers for second, third, and maybe even fourth children of teachers who had worked at the school during all of their pregnancies. They would say "it never used to be this way!".

I looked it up online because I had never heard that you don't hold showers for each child. It sounds like it used to be common to only hold showers for the first, but it is becoming more common to hold a baby shower for each child, especially if the second child is a different gender than the first or when there is a large time gap between the two (and much of the gear, clothes, etc. are out-of-date). Our two are not only same gender but they are fairly close in age, so I really don't need much (besides some infant clothes since the 4-5 month gap between their months of birth makes the clothing I already have seasonally inappropriate).

My sister (being a second child) says it's unfair to the second child not to have a baby shower for him, and I agree to some extent; I believe each child should be celebrated, of course! But my opinion is that showers celebrate mom more than the new baby and the point is to get things we "need", so I feel like having a second shower is greedy.

What are your thoughts? Is it inappropriate/greedy to have a shower? Or am not being fair to the second child by not having one?

Put your name in the hat!

So now that we know we are having another boy, it’s time to start thinking about names and nurseries. I have to admit that I feel a little stumped already. We went through this once and I feel like we picked all of our favorites the first time around and now I’ve got nothing. That’s not to say whatever we decide on will be “second best”, only that we need to discover something that we love just as much.

I actually had a dream fairly early on that we had a baby boy and I couldn’t remember his name. I was so upset running around trying to get other people to say it so I wouldn’t look stupid for forgetting my own child’s name. A lady at work told me my dream meant I was worrying about what to name the baby, and in fact she was probably right. Jason and I had both already wondered what we would do it the baby were a boy because we had a few ideas for girls names, but not-a-one for  a boy!

So I’m asking for suggestions! Give me some boy names, and tell me why you like those names.

I also need some nursery ideas. I have a few thoughts, but would love to know what you all have to suggest!

Does it count?

Drew has had a lot of "firsts" lately... but do they count?

His accomplishment: Drew said his first word!
The real story: Drew fell down and said "ow". The "ow" sound is one of his favorites right now- he says "ow", "how", and "wow" all the time, but not as words, just as sounds (as far as I can tell- though he often makes the "how" sound towards Rico and I wonder if he's trying to "meow")
Does it count? Was "ow" really one of his first words (Lord help us!) or was it just coincidence that he said it when he fell?

His accomplishment: Drew said "mama".
The real story: I put him down on the floor to make him a bottle and he did NOT want to be put down. He wailed then screamed "mama!" while reaching for me.
Does it count? He hasn't said "mama" or even "mmmmm" since.

His accomplishment: Drew stood on his own for 5 solid seconds.
The real story: I set him down to make a bottle and he did NOT want to be set down (common theme?). He crawled to my leg and pulled himself up, then started grasping up at me while crying hysterically. I stepped to the side slightly to grab something and left him standing there, quite literally, screaming at me.
Does it count? He didn't even know he was doing it. He was in the middle of an "I'm screaming so hard I can't breathe" moment. And he hasn't really done it since.

His accomplishment: Drew took his first steps!
The real story: Drew was playing with Daddy while I made a bottle (seriously!). I sat down in the living room with the bottle and when Drew saw it, he WANTED it. Jason took his hands and they "walked" towards me, Drew screaming the whole time. Jason let go and Drew flung himself towards me, falling into my arms, but managing a few steps along the way.
Does it count? Did he actually walk or did he really just "fall" into my arms?

Drew's baby book has spots to write the dates of his "firsts" but it is so hard to tell when that actual "first" time is. With sitting, rolling, and crawling it all happened so gradually... one day it was like "I guess he really can crawl now, huh?". What counts as the "first"?

First time.... oh, who am I kidding?
This isn't a first, it's just cute and I wanted
to add it!

This sucks

Thanks for the great suggestions yesterday!  Now I need your help again.... remember this photo?

That was mostly just a fluke... he got his thumb in his mouth by accident and though he seemed to enjoy it, he didn't really do it again after... until this week.

He started by sucking furiously at his fist, trying to get at his thumb.  He often accomplished sucking both his thumb and forefinger because he just couldn't seem to figure out how to get the forefinger out of the way (he makes such tight fists that his thumb was often stuck between his middle and forefinger).

But he's finally figured it out...

Ahhh... sweet success!

Again and again and again....

I think he's ready to "rock out"!

The nice thing?  He can "self soothe".  He can put his thumb in his mouth by himself; he can't do that with his pacifier.  This means he can put himself to sleep, like yesterday when I put him down in his crib for a nap and walked away when he was still awake- there was no crying, no fussing, just sucking then sleeping.  It also means he can wake up in the morning and suck quietly for a while before fully waking and wanting to eat (giving me just a little more shut eye).

See his neglected pacifier?

The bad thing?  Thumb-sucking is bad for your teeth, right?  And thumb-sucking is a hard habit to break- I know from personal experience.  I sucked mine until I was 8 and my sister sucked her thumb even longer. (Do you suppose there's any kind of genetic factor??)

My question?  Do I try to break the habit now?  Do I pull out the thumb and replace it with the pacifier (a habit that will need to be broken too, but it's easier to throw away a paci than a thumb!)?  Is thumb-sucking truly bad for your teeth?  Maybe Great Aunt Pat has some insight... seeing as how she's a dentist and all.... :D

P.S. Grandpa Simpson is to thank (or maybe to blame) for the title!

Take a deep calming breath....

I have been having lots of fun posting tons of cute pics of Drew, and I'm sure you've been enjoying them, but you may be wondering where the usually over-wordy blabbermouth Diane has been. Well, obviously, I don't really have the time to sit and write lengthy posts these days, besides the fact that I haven't really had a whole lot to "say", mostly I just have stuff to "show". But I do have something on my mind right now that I was hoping to get a little advice and/or reassurance about....

You may know, either from reading the blog, or just knowing me in general, that I am a worrier. Even if there is nothing to worry about I always manage to find something (my boy gained 2 lbs. in a month and I still worry on and off that he's not getting enough to eat! :P). Mix "worrier" with "mom" (especially "new mom") and you have a formula for obsessiveness. Obsessiveness is one thing I knew from the start I wanted to avoid. I knew I didn't want to worry about every little bump, every sniffle, every sound. I knew I wanted to be one of those laid-back moms that has the confidence to trust that everything is fine.

And while I've more or less managed to be "laid-back mom" (with lots of effort!), I have one obsession I can't seem to let go of.... The "sleep breathing check".  Any time I toss or turn in the middle of the night I wake up and freak out... "OMG, I'm a mom! I have a baby! Is he ok!?!?".  I either have to pop my head over the side of the bayonet bassinet (sorry babe ;) ) or stick my hand in and put it on his chest to make sure he's still breathing. Or, if he's sleeping and I'm doing chores, I will suddenly drop everything and rush (dripping wet hands and all) to go check on him and make sure that his chest is indeed rising and falling as it should be. Every time it's this momentary panic, like I've left him trapped in an overheated car for hours and am just remembering he's there.  And God forbid it take more than half a second to see that chest rise and fall...

I know for a new mom this isn't entirely uncommon, but I'm curious how long it's supposed to last. It's been 6 weeks and the sudden feeling of panic is just as strong as it ever was. How am I ever going to learn to have him sleep in the crib in his room and not in the bassinet beside the bed?  I can't go running across the hallway a couple of times every night just to make sure he's breathing, which he most likely is.  Is this a phase?  Will I get over it?  Am I just crazy?  Will I just eventually learn to suppress the feeling of panic, or will I some day be able to trust that everything is fine?  I'd love some advice...

Yup, he's breathing! Oh, and being cute too!

Paper or plastic?

Or should I say cloth or plastic?

I keep thinking, "wouldn't it be nice if I could just be normal?"   Life would be a lot easier if I didn't think... if I didn't question everything... if I just registered for the travel system stroller like everyone else does for example without questioning "why?", or if I just went with a nursery-in-a-bag theme, or even if I didn't question what has become "normal" childbirth.... As a friend's dad more or less put it, "leave it to Diane to take something so simple and make it so complicated".  And yet, again, here I am pondering over another question...

Disposable diapers?  Or cloth diapers?

Jason and I try to do our part to be green.  We recycle (even at our inconvenience, like when we had no recycling service at our apartment), we use cloth bags at the grocery store (when we remember!), we use electricity-saving light bulbs, we try to save water and energy....  we're definitely not doing everything we could do, but we do try to do our part.  That being said, it greatly disturbs me that my child's dirty diapers will be in landfills for 500 years to come.  Not to even mention the chemicals and natural resources used in the processing and distribution of these diapers.  Now, I know that cloth diapers use water and chemicals to be washed, so they aren't perfect either, but 500 years is 500 years!  If my great-grandparents had used disposable diapers they would still be around today!!

So I started considering the idea of cloth diapers.  Here is my list of pros and cons of cloth diapering:

Pros:
Earth friendly
Money-saving (they're reusable, you don't have to keep buying more)

Cons:
Inconvenient (you have to wash them) or pricey if you want convenience
Gross (wouldn't you rather throw away poop than scrape it into a toilet??)
Leaks (thereby needing plastic covers)

There are some ways to make cloth diapers more convenient.  (Keep in mind, an economy-size box of Huggies from Sam's Club costs about 13 cents per diaper....)

1. Opt for a cloth diaper delivery service.  They pick up the dirty diapers and deliver clean ones.  They do all the washing.  BUT, the price-per-diaper cost is more than disposables (about 23 cents per diaper). These services proclaim to be cheaper than disposables, and to be honest, if you're buying diapers at Babies R Us or even Target you may spend easily 26 cents per diaper (priced on the exact same brand and style of Huggies, just a smaller box)
2. Get a mid-way cloth/disposable diaper like the "gDiaper".  It is basically an outer "shell" that you put a lining in.  Changing the diaper is as easy as changing the lining which means less washing and faster changes than a normal cloth diaper.  You can either use a cloth liner, or they have disposable liners that you actually flush and are completely biodegradable.  But again, the price-per-diaper is much higher than disposables.  These run about 37 cents per refill and that doesn't include the cost of buying the "gPants".

 I scoured the disposable diaper aisle to see what I could find as far as green options there, and I did come across these:

 

The online description says:

Nature Babycare Diapers are 100% chlorine-free, based on natural and biodegradable materials,100% GM free, and OK Compost certified. The film used as a back sheet is a biodegradable film, not only waterresistant but also more breathable, resulting in an airier, drier, and more comfortable diaper. The packaging is 100% biodegradable and OK Compost certified, based on natural chalk. The ultra-thin construction makes for a non-bulky fit that is comfortable for your baby.

Once again though, these are a more expensive option. These run about 38 cents per diaper.

I know that if I were to choose cloth diapers I would have to use disposables every once in a while.  I'm not going to make people who watch our child deal with cloth diapers.  Nor am I going to carry dirty diapers around with me if we're on vacation, or even out shopping for a while.  But again, my idea is to be "more" earth-friendly and to do my part as best I can.

I guess it comes down to 3 Cs:

• convenience
• cost
• conscience

And what wins??

I want your opinions, PLEASE

I am currently reading two books in preparation for Floodling's arrival.  One in preparation for the actual arrival, and one in preparation for the needs that then follow.

I'm actually writing with the hopes of getting some of your opinions.  You all have been awfully quiet lately!  I know most of the time I'm just writing about daily things that happen and nothing needs to be said, but this time I want to hear from you! :)

The first book I am reading is about the Bradley Method of natural childbirth.  I will start off by first saying I am NOT thinking of having a home birth.  What is meant by "natural childbirth" is a birth that is unaided by the use of medications, whether for pain or for inducing labor, it does not mean I can't be at a hospital or have an obstetrician aiding in the birth.  I've been asked by several people if I plan to have a natural birth (kind of a weird question in my opinion) and my resounding answer for the longest time was "NO!".  You hear from friends and family and see on TV just how "painful" labor is.... so no, I did not think I wanted to do a natural birth.  I am NOT a brave person, nor do I deal with pain very well.  I saw natural birth as something women do to be seen as "heroic".  In addition, I know that I have my own medical needs and complications, possibly making a natural birth difficult.

So how did I get to thinking (notice I'm saying thinking) about natural birth then?  A teacher at my school had a baby over Christmas break.  Upon her return she told me she had a number of pregnancy books and asked if I would like them as this was her LAST child (she had a lot of health issues with both her pregnancies).  The next day I took home a large bag of books, among them The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy, The Complete Book of Breastfeeding, Hypnobirthing, Communing with the Spirit of your Unborn Child, and The Bradley Method.  A lot of them (Hynobirthing and Communing with the Spirit... for example) seemed a little too...weird... for me.  I passed them aside and dug through the others.  I opened the book on the Bradley Method not really knowing what it was and thinking it seemed like something maybe along the lines of Lamaze.  I quickly discovered it was a method for natural childbirth, but read on curious about its theories.

So this is what I've gleaned so far (keep in mind, these are not MY opinions, this is what I've read from a one-sided book):

• Labor drugs do enter the baby's bloodstream before birth, and can carry with them risks to both mother and baby
• Epidurals often slow the labor process then forcing doctors to use pitocin to again speed up the labor which may then again cause very painful contractions
• Epidurals don't always numb all of the pain
• If an epidural numbs the muscles needed to push the baby out then forceps or vacuums have to be used to extract the baby (in turn often leading to necessary episiotomy...or tearing....)
• Unmedicated babies have a natural tendency to help push themselves out and to spin to pass properly through the birth canal 
• A lot of the pain in labor is caused by the tensing of ALL the muscles in the body during contractions.  The theory behind this method is that by relaxing all of your muscles and allowing your uterine muscles to do their job (and understanding what they're doing) you can handle (and maybe even avoid) the pain.

And I thought this quote was interesting (though I don't entirely believe it as I have several friends who say once they got their epidural they couldn't feel a thing and were happy-go-lucky):

"The myth is that the medicated labor is painless.  But it is the medicated mother who later talks most about pain (and it is she who is often seen during labor suffering and out of control).  She may have thought drugs would see her through labor, so she didn't take the opportunity to get her mind and body ready.  In contrast the trained, natural-childbirth mothers talk primarily of hard work..."

I know of one person in particular that after her epidural was still in pain.  She also had to have pitocin to speed up the labor process but things still didn't move at an appropriate pace and she ended up having to have a C-Section.  But I also have (as mentioned above) friends who had epidurals, and one even then had pitocin, and they felt nothing and everything went "normally".

I've searched online for opponents to the Bradley Method curious what they have to say against it.  Honestly, I had a hard time finding anything.  There are a lot of women who have had medicated births followed by Bradley Births who all rave of how much better it is the Bradley way.  The biggest negative factor I've found is that apparently a lot of Labor and Delivery nurses and obstetricians dislike Bradley patients for being demanding and being hostile to medical interventions.  I am obviously not a person that is against medical intervention (who knows where I'd be if I were!) and I don't imagine myself being hostile or demanding.

Some opinions I found (from a neutral site):

"The knowledge about the anatomy/physiology and psychology provided by Bradley can't be beat. And you are smart/savvy enough to know not to incorporate any hostile attitudes about health care providers, if you choose not to. It can't hurt to gain the knowledge you would get taking these classes. And if you do choose anesthesia in labor for some reason, that's ok. You will still be smart and go in informed about your body and its workings in labor and delivery, something NO ONE can take away from you!"

"Tried both methods. Bradley teaches you how to relax and work with the labor you get--hard or easy. It better prepares you for releasing your body to the process of labor, for what childbirth will feel like and how to manage it by not fighting your body.   It helps reduce some of that Fear-leads-to-Tension-leads-to-Pain cycle that birthing can cause so well. Lamaze works OK to start with, but was worthless once real hard labor started. Bradley Method was by far the best...."

If I do choose to go with a natural childbirth, I am not set in any one method (yet, at least).  I did talk to my Ob/Gyn about natural childbirth and the Bradley method.  He said I would likely be viewed as "weird" as it's not the normal thing to do these days, but he often enjoys natural births as it makes his job a lot easier and often times the delivery room environment is more inviting.  I think the fact that his job is made "a lot easier" says something in itself, not to mention a "more inviting" room (ie. no screaming and cussing!).  His concern was allowing him to do his job if an emergency situation should arise, but otherwise he had no problem with it, and of course if it came to the health and safety of my baby I'd do what was necessary.  He also didn't seem to have any concern over my own medical situation interfering.

I should also mention that if I were to take Bradley Method courses it costs about $300 (eek!)... it is a 12 week class though that not only prepares you in this method, but also prepares you for breastfeeding and a lot of other things that come along with childbirth and having an infant.

So this is what I'm looking for... all of you moms out there, what is your opinion?  Am I crazy?  Is this book a load of... you know what....?  Did you have a natural childbirth or a "medicated" childbirth?  Either way, how did it go?  If you had medicated, did you still have pain?  Is there anyone that has done both?  Non-moms, I'm sure you have an opinion too.  What do you think???  I like to think I am open-minded (thus the reason this is even coming into question) so please feel free to share honestly!  Don't be mean, but I would appreciate others' true and honest opinions.

I will share more on the second book I'm reading later... :)