Pregnancy Reflections

I found these questions on a website, and thought they would be fun to do.

I stated thinking I might be pregnant when:

I cried because of a clip played on the radio from Grey's Anatomy... a show I don't even watch.

I found out I was pregnant when I:

took a test... on my sister's birthday actually.

I felt:

very happy, but scared too, given what had already happened. I was scared to get too excited.

The first person I told was:

Jason

They reacted by:

smiling and saying "okay".

The first ultrasound was:

incredibly amazing, especially since I was extremely scared. I couldn't believe that everything was okay!!

My baby will be born:

in mid-June.  Thankfully I'll have some time off school to just be lazy beforehand!

The hardest thing for me to give up is:

margaritas!! Seriously... Mexican restaurants are so painful now... :P

What I'm enjoying most about my pregnancy so far:

Learning about the amazing things going on inside my body.

Names that I've been thinking of:

Haven't thought a whole lot yet... and I'm not really ready to share the few I have been thinking of.... but I am willing to take suggestions!

Girl or Boy? I think it will be...

I've really gone back and forth. I'll definitely be happy either way though. I know that's a cop out answer, but that's all I've got.

The old wives tales predict:

Chinese gender prediction chart says girl.  Heart rate says girl.  Dangling a ring over my belly says girl (I guess... kinda hard to tell... especially since some sites say if it goes in a circle it means girl, and others say that means boy). Lack of morning sickness says boy (of course my mom didn't have morning sickness and had two girls, and my grandma was the same and she had 4 girls). I've been craving a little of everything, salty and sweet... so who knows there (sweet means girl, salty or sour means boy).  My face already looked bad, so that's hard to tell too (supposedly girls steal their mother's beauty thus causing acne during pregnancy).  Of course, most of these are really silly and have been proven not to be true, but they're still fun!

Hopes:

That everything continues to go well.

Fears:
That I'm not going to be ready or able to care for a child.

Sigh.... I miss margaritas ;)

It seems like a pretty big jump to go from a prune to a lime...I think this might be closer to a key lime.  I also kind of think that most of the sizes are based more on length than anything because I know at one point it jumps from a mango to a banana.... but nevertheless I love to imagine a little lime in there.  And besides, a lime is so much cuter than a prune, isn't it?

Again, excuse the use of gender-specific terms ("she" in today's post).  It's frustrating to go through and change them all, and this site goes back and forth each week, so at least it's fair.

Your baby, just over 1 1/2 inches long, is now almost fully formed. Her hands will soon open and close into fists, tiny tooth buds are beginning to appear under her gums, and some of her bones are beginning to harden.

She's already busy kicking and stretching, and her tiny movements are so effortless they look like water ballet. These movements will become more frequent as her body grows and becomes more developed and functional. You won't feel your baby's acrobatics for another month or two — nor will you notice the hiccupping that may be happening now that her diaphragm is forming.

Reassuring sounds

I had my second official appointment today. I say "official" because I've had several other in-between visits for issues/visiting the high-risk doctor, etc., but this one was one of the regular monthly check-ups.

Everything went well.  Not a whole lot of news.  No new pictures to post this time.  We did get to hear the heart beat though through a Doppler monitor.  I always find the sound so reassuring.  Though my own heart beat probably accelerates by 10 bpm for every second I wait to hear the sound...

At my next appointment I will have to go ahead and do the glucose tolerance test.  They normally do it at 28 weeks, but due to my CF I'm at a higher risk of developing gestational diabetes so they want to do it earlier.

So, nothing too exciting, but it's very comforting to almost be through my first trimester and know that everything is still fine.  I asked Jason if he thought I could relax a little more now... he said I should be able to, but I won't, which is probably true. :P

And I thought earlobes were amazing....

Today our baby is about the size of a prune (or a kumquat if you prefer, but the pic below shows a prune)!  Excuse the use of "he" below.  Last week it was all "she" and I changed them all to he/she, your baby, etc., but I don't feel like it this week.

I can't believe there are fingernails forming!  And I thought earlobes were amazing last week....

Your baby has now completed the most critical portion of his development. This is the beginning of the so-called fetal period, a time when the tissues and organs in his body rapidly grow and mature.

He's swallowing fluid and kicking up a storm. Vital organs — including his kidneys, intestines, brain, and liver (now making red blood cells in place of the disappearing yolk sac) — are in place and starting to function, though they'll continue to develop throughout your pregnancy.

If you could take a peek inside your womb, you'd spot minute details, like tiny nails forming on fingers and toes (no more webbing) and peach-fuzz hair beginning to grow on tender skin.

In other developments: Your baby's limbs can bend now. His hands are flexed at the wrist and meet over his heart, and his feet may be long enough to meet in front of his body. The outline of his spine is clearly visible through translucent skin, and spinal nerves are beginning to stretch out from his spinal cord. Your baby's forehead temporarily bulges with his developing brain and sits very high on his head, which measures half the length of his body. From crown to rump, he's about 1 1/4 inches long. In the coming weeks, your baby will again double in size — to nearly 3 inches.

A Facetious Letter

Dear (or maybe not so dear) morning sickness,

I am writing to find out why you decided to suddenly visit me today, after 9 1/2 weeks of letting me be.  Were you trying to lull me into a false sense of security, just to hit me when I least expected it?  Were you just waiting for that moment when my guard was down so you could have a bigger impact?

Or are you punishing me for mocking you? For throwing my head back and declaring that I was better than you… that I had beat you?

For your knowledge, my mornings are rough enough already.  Having to wake up at 5am so I have enough time to shower, dress, do medicine, and actually eat a good breakfast (to ward you off) isn’t fun.  Next time, I would at least appreciate some warning.  I actually woke up early this morning, and so spent my morning sluggishly getting ready, just to have you attack me as I walked out the door just on time for school. Could you not have waged your attack when I was wasting time on Facebook? Or when I was lazily petting my cat?

And can you give me a better idea of whether I should expect to be visited frequently by you from now on, or did you win your battle today and are through with me?

I appreciate you addressing each of these concerns in a timely matter.

Sincerely,

Diane Flood

P.S.  Could you also let my digestive tract know that we need to have a word as well?

Earlobes!?

Not as cute as the blueberry or raspberry... but I'll take it either way!  I found a more detailed description (than last week's) of what is going on at each week, so that is posted below.  It's amazing to think of all the changes that are taking place... and that, even as tiny as he or she is right now, the baby has eyes, a mouth, a nose, even earlobes!!  And it's amazing to think that all these changes are taking place without me knowing, or doing anything (besides sleeping a little more!).  I'm really beginning to understand why it's called "the miracle of life".

"Your new resident is nearly an inch long and weighs just a fraction of an ounce. He or she is starting to look more and more human. The essential body parts are accounted for, though they'll go through plenty of fine-tuning in the coming months. Other changes abound: Your baby's heart finishes dividing into four chambers, and the valves start to form — as do his or her tiny teeth. The embryonic "tail" is completely gone. Your baby's organs, muscles, and nerves are kicking into gear. The external sex organs are there but won't be distinguishable as male or female for another few weeks. Your baby's eyes are fully formed, but the eyelids are fused shut and won't open until 27 weeks. He or she has tiny earlobes, and the mouth, nose, and nostrils are more distinct. The placenta is developed enough now to take over most of the critical job of producing hormones."

All is well

I had my first consultation visit with the high-risk pregnancy doctor today.  Everything went fine.  They did a quick ultrasound... AGAIN!  The poor baby is probably wanting to be left alone by now!!  But it was nice to see that everything is normal.  The heartbeat was 176 beats per minutes, and the baby is about 2 cm long.   Again, the baby is the white "blob" in the black space... I personally can't distinguish much... don't know if anyone else can...

The doctor said the biggest concern for me and the baby will be watching the baby's growth, especially towards the end of the second trimester/beginning of the third.  Basically the oxygenation of my blood can affect how the baby is growing, so they'll do somewhat regular ultrasounds at that point to check and make sure he or she is growing normally.  Because my lung function beforehand was 100% he assumes there will be no problems though.  He said that since CF patients are now starting to live longer (thanks to amazing research advances!), there really isn't a whole lot of data regarding CF and pregnancy, but overall we can expect mostly a normal pregnancy.  He also said my meds are all okay... which was a relief.  My CF doctor had told me to stop taking TOBI, but otherwise everything else should be ok, but it was good to hear that from an actual obstetrician too.

He also asked, very seriously, if I had been talked to about the flu vaccines.  I told him I got the H1N1 shot on Monday, and he was very relieved!  He said that me, of all people, really needed to have that shot.  I was already at risk since I have lung issues, but being pregnant puts me at even higher risk (not only of catching it, but of having more complications should I catch it).  He said they had 6 women at his clinic who had caught it, and 2 of them died!  So sad, and so scary!!! I told him that, being a teacher, I knew I REALLY needed to get it, and you could almost see his eyes bug out of his head when I said that I was a teacher.  I'm SOOO glad I'm protected now!  Still trying to be very careful about hand-washing and everything though....

For now I'm relaxed.  Everything seems to be going very well so far.

I will be revealing the news to my grandmother on Saturday when she arrives.... I wonder how she will react to finding out she will be a great-grandmother??

Baby belly or belly fat?

So, when the pants I wore last week suddenly didn't want to do up this morning I figured it was time for a second belly shot to see if I was being crazy or what.... I took the first picture on November 1st. The second one was taken today (slightly different angles, sorry!).  I have bare belly shots... but I'm a little too embarrassed to share those yet.  I definitely ate more junk food than necessary while we were out of town this weekend... but should it be that noticeable?

I have always had a bit of a "pooch", so I'm still finding it hard to believe that it could actually be a baby belly.  Check out this picture from the summer of our wedding...

In any case I measured to have a better idea.  Waist was 28... now 29.  Belly (around the belly button) was 33.5, now closer to 35. Hips are about the same....  I haven't gained any weight yet either....

The nurse at the CF clinic today (who knows I'm pregnant) looked at my belly and said "you're starting to show!".  Of course... it probably didn't help that I had my pants held together at the top with a binder clip since it was too uncomfortable to try to jam the button in the hole.

What do you think?

(P.S.  I changed the settings on my blog so you can leave comments without signing in to any kind of site)

Introducing our Raspberry

Now at 8 weeks... that's 2 months!! Whoa!

"Your baby is growing like mad, putting on about a millimeter every day and continuing to straighten out in the trunk. Though you can't feel it yet, baby is moving those little arms, legs and (now only slightly) webbed fingers and toes like crazy."

I swear I can feel all that movement with how gurgly my tummy has been.... kidding, of course, but I can't wait until I can feel it!

Rough morning

Okay.... so I had a scary morning this morning... and I'm going to start explaining it from the beginning.

On Tuesday this week (as you already know) I had some spotting. It only lasted a day, then seemed to go away.

Wednesday and Thursday I had minor cramping and other stomach discomfort. As I have begun taking Benefiber to aid in some uhh... issues... I've been having, I kind of passed the pain off on that, though still had some worry in the back of my mind.

Last night I began having some strange twitching in my upper stomach area, just under my ribs. While that probably seems strange and harmless, the only other time I can remember having this twitching feeling was on the Monday in July when I went to the doctor's office to confirm that I was pregnant (when I was already miscarrying). I remember clearly because I made Jason put his hand on my stomach to feel it (it kind of felt like an eyelid twitch). He laughed saying, "there's no way we can feel the baby yet!". Of course I knew that, I just wanted to see if he could feel it too....

Well, this morning when I woke up with heavier bleeding than I've had this entire 7 weeks, of course I freaked out. I called out of work, and laid in bed until I could call the doctor's office to make an appointment.

Thankfully the doctor had me come in right away for an ultrasound. And guess what!? Everything is okay!!!! We even heard the heartbeat again!! When I heard it, I asked the doctor "is that the heartbeat!?" as tears started to roll down my face. He laughed and said "It sounds like it to me! I know you're nervous, but if that was your heartbeat you would be in the hospital right now!". I could even tell that the baby looked bigger!! (Well, I'm pretty sure at least...I am not an expert at interpreting ultrasounds)

He said the baby is at the top of my uterus which means that it doesn't look like there is any impending miscarriage either.

All I can say is thanks and praise to God! I have been praying intensely all week, and especially all morning. I have been trying to trust, knowing God wouldn't put me through something I can't handle (and thinking I wasn't sure I could handle this at all). (For those of you wondering where this re-found faith is coming from... that will be a story for another day).

The doctor said some women have bleeding throughout their pregnancy, and there really is no explanation. He said, if we have to, we'll do an ultrasound every other day, whether the insurance company likes it or not. Of course, I'm not going to do that... I think the less you do the better... but it is comforting that he understands that I'm nervous and scared.

He wants Jason to be tested for the CF gene ASAP. And he wants me to see a high-risk OB doctor soon too. Otherwise, he just said relax.

So here I am, trying to relax.... knowing though that it is going to be a VERY long 7 months ahead of us.

P.S. Sorry I have no picture to share this time. Wish I did, but I think the doc was just checking things were okay, and that's it. And I'm okay with that!

Paranoid much?

How am I supposed to tell the difference between paranoia and a reasonable amount of fear?

I started spotting again yesterday. I've kind of had it on and off, but it hasn't been an all day thing (except for that first terrifying week) until now. I woke up with spotting and kind of freaked. I couldn't think of something to blame it on as I have been able to do all along. I kept hoping all day that it would go away.

It stayed light, and did eventually go away last night.

My breasts still hurt, and everything else seems to be "normal" in the way of pregnancy symptoms.

How do I know when to freak out and when to just relax and assume my body is doing what it's going to do? I told Jason last night that everything seemed okay again, and he just laughed, "you mean, there's nothing actually wrong with you?"

I told him, considering what happened last time and how it all began, it seems reasonable to be at least a little freaked out, especially by this.

It seems no matter what this whole thing will be a game of patience and trust. I cannot stray from my original mantra. God has a plan. I have to trust that. Getting my mind to shut up and listen though is a whole different story...

The bizarre world of dreams

Have you ever had a bad dream that you just couldn't shake when you woke up? Have you even gone back to sleep to try to force yourself to dream something better to make it go away? I had one of those dreams last night... and I'm hoping writing about it will help me to put my mind at ease...

It was fairly simple. I dreamed I was staying at a hotel with my family. I was sleeping in a room by myself and there was a man... a very creepy man... on the balcony watching me.

This was unsettling enough for a dream. But to add to the unease the dream gave me, my dad caught the man and threw him off the balcony, then shot him. I know my dad would do just about anything to protect me, but even dreaming my dad as a killer is not comforting.

I know overall it really wasn't that bad, but the dream just felt so real and left me with a creepy feeling I couldn't get rid of. All morning while getting ready I've been trying to shake the dream, trying to erase the image of the man peering from around the curtains, trying to fend off crazy thoughts like "maybe there was someone in our house last night...." So when I came downstairs to let Lucy out and discovered that the back door has been unlocked all night, my stomach kind of did a double turn. Guess I won't be getting this dream out of my mind for a while yet...

As I have been having a lot of vivid dreams lately (though nothing so unsettling until this) I did look up pregnancy and dreams to find this info.:

Dreams are like funhouse mirrors that reflect your emotional state. Since pregnancy can feel like an emotional roller coaster, don't be surprised if your dreams become more vivid and crazy than usual. Dreams also become more vivid during pregnancy because of increased progesterone and increased awakenings from dream-filled REM (rapid eye movement) sleep.

Some experts think pregnancy dreams — which can be about everything from tadpoles and fishes to talking animals and towering skyscrapers — symbolize your excitement, fear, and apprehension about the physical and emotional changes happening to you.

I am wondering what (if anything) my dream may be symbolizing? Fear that I cannot protect my baby? Fear of bringing a baby into a world sick with child predators and bad people? Fear of how we as parents will react to perceived threats?

All I know is that I would rather be dreaming about whether we'll be decorating with pink or blue than having more dreams like that!! Any suggestions for happy dreams full of rainbows and flowers???