On the edge

Unfortunately we're not talking Lady Gaga's kind of "on the edge".... we're talking on the edge of going crazy... or having a complete and utter meltdown kind of edge. One or the other.

These last two weeks have been a lot of fun, but they have been so totally and completely exhausting that I'm not even sure what to do with myself.

Let's see... Tuesday (like two weeks ago Tuesday) I was cleaning the house because family was coming to town, Wednesday was Drew's birthday, Thursday was his one-year photo shoot (have you seen Cassie's gorgeous photos?) and packing to head to the lakehouse, Friday I was preparing for Drew's bigger-than-I-had-kinda-planned-on bash, Saturday was the big party, Sunday we packed up and headed home from the lakehouse, Monday Stacey and I ran the Peachtree Road Race 10K, Tuesday I was packing for Chicago, Wednesday we flew to Chicago, Thursday we drove to Wisconsin and back, Friday we spent the day in the ER (poor Drew caught a nasty stomach bug!), Saturday we spent the day with a recovering baby, Sunday me, Jason, my mom, and dad all got sick with that bug, then today, Monday, I flew home (alone!) with Drew (Jason had already flown home on Saturday).

It would be nice if I had a day or two to recover from all of that, but I will be up bright and early to head back to work tomorrow, and work will be a mad house.  Maybe you think I'm just being all "woe is me" right now?  I got a call from work today asking me if I could stay late tomorrow because it was CRAZY today. Our office has been closed the last two weeks so there are hordes of impatient, irritated people waiting to register their students for the upcoming school year (which starts the second week of August!).

And I won't even be able to help them out tomorrow because I have CF appointment after work (which will take even longer than if I had stayed late; I've already griped about how long these appointments are). Between sheer exhaustion and the stomach bug I'm not sure that lung function or weight will be where they need to be.

And then, as if that wasn't enough to drive a woman off a cliff, Drew has been battling me every. single. meal. He hardly eats. He hardly drinks. I'm worried sick about him getting proper nutrition and hydration, especially after that horrible bug. I would like to think he's just recovering and his stomach isn't quite back to normal, but this has really been going on for a couple of weeks. It's just gotten worse. I presume part of it IS the recovering from the bug, and another part is the picky toddler years, but.... I just don't know what to do. It's brought me to tears the past 3 nights. I've totally given up on the vegetable battle for now, I'm just trying to get him to eat and drink. Period.

Sigh........ I apologize for the gripe fest, but sometimes a girl has just gotta let it out. Like I said above, the past two weeks have been fun (minus the stomach bug part), they've just been exhausting.

I can at least say I am thankful for two things, 1) we left the house in decent condition before we left (I hate returning to a mess) and 2) we also did every single piece of laundry before we left. On top of that I returned with a suitcase full of clean clothes (thanks to that wonderful bug). Two less things to worry about!

Hopefully I will be posting some pictures of our wonderful adventures, but don't expect too much from me anytime soon!

All my bags are packed...

I'm ready to go
They're standing there right by my door
I hate to....

Just kidding, I won't torture you with any other lyrics I may have come up with. :P

But my bags are finally packed and ready!  They've actually been ready since Sunday, I just now got around to getting on here as my mom arrived on Monday and I've been busy doing other baby things around the house (including getting the carpets cleaned!)

My bags include a "Labor and Delivery" bag, a "Recovery" bag, and a "Baby" bag.  Oh, and of course the birthing ball!  That's a must!

The labor and delivery bag is separate from the others so that when we first arrive we only have to bring in the one bag.  Especially since we'll be moving rooms later.  The bag includes snacks for Jason (including Diet soda!), a change of clothes for both of us (mine are clothes that I don't mind getting rid of later), a bathing suit for Jason in case I decide to get in the shower, my relaxation CDs, my binder full of tricks, our birth "preferences," and THE most important item- chapstick!

The recovery bag includes your typical "overnight hotel stay" type items.  Hopefully that's all it will be- one night!

And the baby bag includes 2 going home outfits complete with hat, socks and mittens (1 is in newborn size and the other 0-3 months, just in case), a receiving blanket, a pacifier, and well... that's about it, cuz really, how much does he need?

Oh, and the car already has pillows for some "comforts from home" and a towel and garbage bag, just in case.... you can figure out what those are for.

Thoughts...

.. on having a natural birth in a hospital

Jason and I are starting natural birthing classes tonight.  We will also be taking the birthing class offered by the hospital to have a rounded perspective and an open mind, but my intent and aim is to have a natural birth. Besides the great benefits of natural births for both mom and baby, I just think that I don't need an extra cocktail of medications in addition to the ones I'm already on.

With this on my mind along with a recent conversation with a co-worker who had a natural hospital birth, and having completed the maternity center tour at my hospital, I have some thoughts that are plaguing me.

I am worried that...

• nurses will offer me pain meds at my most vulnerable moments.
• the nurses will be unfamiliar with natural birth and will either a) freak out (as they did in the case of said co-worker, who ended up with a room full of nurses who just wanted to see a natural birth) or b) they will think they have to do the usual because they don't know otherwise... hook me up to a heart rate monitor for example making me unable to move around the room or insert an IV, not giving me the option to keep myself hydrated and allowing too easy access for inserting medications I don't want.

I don't like that....

• the hospital requires babies to receive an eye gel in their eyes and a vitamin K shot (good things, I know, I just don't like that I have no choice in the matter).
• my hospital requires the babies to go to the nursery for an hour of "transition" time to help them adjust from the "womb world" to the "real world".  Would he not adjust just fine in my arms?  Babies used to do it.... and still do in home births.
• almost immediately after being told that the baby is required to be in the nursery for an hour, we were told that we should keep the baby in our room at all times to prevent infection (H1N1 in particular) and not to send the babies to the nursery over night (I didn't want to do this anyway, but a lot of books tell you to take advantage while you can and get one last night of sleep).
• the hospital does not allow photos or videos to be taken of the birth.  Again, not something I planned on but I hate that the option is taken away, it just makes me mad.
• after sharing all these rules and requirements we were told that it is "our body, our baby, our birth" and that we should have it how we want it.

I wish I didn't have to give birth in a hospital.  Unfortunately with my medical issues a home birth is not an option.  I think one of my biggest issues is rules... I never liked being at summer camps because I hated that I had to follow their rules.  I think it's funny that even if the rule doesn't affect me I still get upset... it means I don't have an option and that just makes me mad.

I've been wondering to myself what happens if I don't follow the rules?  Would they kick me out?? ; ) I can't imagine the hospital throwing a laboring woman out onto the street, nor can I imagine cops being called... it does make me laugh though to imagine what it might look like. People who know me well may know that I am usually soft-spoken, especially around strangers, but when my stubborn streak flares you better stay out of my way. (It's always the quiet ones, isn't it?) 

Who knows, maybe you'll see me in the news for giving birth in a jail cell because I refused to wear the provided hospital gown.....