Round 2

Before I get anyone excited I will start off by saying I am NOT pregnant.

But it seems everyone else is.

Literally, in the last week or so I have found out about four women who are pregnant with #2. Two of them had their babies the same month Drew was born!! Another had hers only a few months before.

Apparently it's time to start thinking about #2....

And honestly, I have. Just recently I've been feeling more of the "baby bug" as I put away more and more of Drew's baby items, or while shopping for a friend's baby shower gift and seeing aisles of cute teeny tiny clothes... but #2 is still going to be a little ways off.

First, and most importantly, I have q trip planned (or in the works, at least) to Peru in December with my lovely, fabulous, amazing sister Laura. She passed her quals! And I'm horrible at understanding all the details but basically it means her research proposal for her doctorate program has been accepted (does that sound about right, Laura?).  As celebration, and because of all the hard work it requires, most students take a little time off and take a vacation. Laura said she'd postpone her trip until December if I would go with her. I'm super excited about doing some international travel, hitting continent #5, and checking off one of my top "places to see before I die", but I'm more excited about spending quality time with my little sis. It's been TOO long!

All that said to explain that I do not want to be pregnant on such a big trip. One of the big places we want to see is Machu Picchu; it's high up in the Andes Mountains. Altitude sickness is already a worry; I don't want to have to worry double. And, I just want to be able to enjoy myself in general.

Secondly, my CF doctor has told me to wait. She *hears* (though she's never had children herself) that #2 isn't doubly as hard, but more like triply or quadruply as hard (are those words?). She wants me to wait several years so Drew is a little more independent and I'll have more free time to take care of myself. I think I have a few family members that may tend to lean towards her advice. Admittedly, there are times I think things are pretty tough as it is, and I can't imagine how we'll manage when there's more of us. But if Drew has siblings I want them to be close in age....

But that leads to my third... the question of IF I want to have more children in the first place. I have always known I wanted at least two children. My sister and I were the best of friends growing up. I lamented for friends who were only children and didn't get to have sleepovers with their best friend EVERY SINGLE NIGHT!

But... sometimes I wonder if I'm ready to do it all over again. Worrying over how much the baby ate or slept, when to change the schedule, living by a much more rigid schedule in the first place. And Drew is a good kid. Too good almost... I worry we've wasted all the "luck" on child #1.

I also sit and think about just how madly in love I am with my little baby. Is it possible to love another one as much? Is it possible that my heart can grow that much more???

I at least know the answer to that last question- yes. Undoubtedly yes. I've heard it from other mothers. And I know it in my heart.

But it still doesn't take away the fear of what life will be like when we become a family of four (or more!).

And I guess we won't know until I conquer this...