You don't have to know me very well to know that I'm scared of bugs. Not just girly-girl, ew I don't like them, but verging on a full-fledged phobia. It's irrational and uncontrollable.
Here are just two examples to highlight my point:
When Stacey and I stayed in Costa Rica we lived with a small family- a grandmother (between 65 and 70) and three of her granddaughters. Well, I woke up the entire family one night after waking up with a cockroach on my arm. Yes, a cockroach. On my ARM! The grandmother came in to my hysterical, sobbing shouts of "la cucaracha!" (Did you know that wasn't just a song?) There I was, nearly 20 years-old, standing on a bed and crying because of a bug.
Then this past year there was an incident at work. I was walking in early one morning, saying a friendly hello to a fellow teacher. My department is more-or-less separate from the school so I really only knew the teachers in passing. The gentleman and I parted ways as I walked into my office, turned on the light, and shrieked as a cockroach/large beetle flew across my path. I tried to duck past it then screamed bloody murder as it took flight again. My friendly colleague came running into my office asking if everything was all right. I had to embarrassingly explain that no, I was not being murdered, it was, in fact, only a bug. Relieved the man went to return to his classroom but I sheepishly had to ask him if he could please help me kill it.
These are just two examples. Almost everyone I know has a "remember when" story involving me and bugs (I guess normal people don't shriek and flail when they see something small and black moving?) and I have many MANY more tales I could share myself, most involving frantic flailing and tears.
I have tried, and failed, to keep this fear hidden from Drew, but as I said before, it's irrational and uncontrollable; a fly buzzes past my ear and I shriek and duck before I realize what I'm doing. I'm not even scared of flies, but my brain hears a buzz and apparently thinks my body is under attack. So it's no wonder Drew has developed his own fear of bugs; when you see someone you trust and depend on freaking out, I'm guessing you'd assume there's a pretty good reason to freak out. Problem is I'm afraid he's going to be even worse than me.
The other night at dinner I saw something tiny bobbing beneath our light fixture. "Is that a bug?" I (calmly!) asked Jason, not sure if it was a fruit fly or just a speck of floating dust (we've been ordering weekly boxes of fresh produce so it wouldn't have been a surprise if a fruit fly made it's way in with the harvest). "That?" Jason asked as he swatted at it. "Yes, it's a fruit fly." Cue wailing screams. We both turn, surprised, to find Drew, tears in eyes, on his way into full meltdown mode. "Shoot it!" he shouted."Shoot it! Shoot it!" he wailed. (No, he didn't actually mean shoot it. We taught him last summer, when he freaked out over flies, to just wave his arms and say, "shoo fly!"). We both looked at him in shock. I mean, I am the queen of flipping out over bugs, but here was Drew, outdoing me, over a fruit fly! Jason clapped his hands in the air, "there, I got it!" but Drew continued wailing, almost hyperventilating, "no, use that!" as he gestured towards our forgotten flyswatter. I got the flyswatter, waved it in the air a few times and proclaimed that the bug was gone and we were safe. "Where is it on that??" Drew worriedly asked until I pretended to dump the fruit fly off the flyswatter into the trash. For the rest of the meal Drew would talk and play then suddenly his face would go stone-cold as he would whip his head around to stare under the light fixture and ensure that there were no more flies.
As if that wasn't enough, Drew woke up screaming and crying that night. When I went into his room he was wailing, half asleep, "I don't like the bugs outside!". I had to wake him and reassure him that there were no bugs.
Okay guys... What do I do? I know from personal experience this is not something that can be rationalized away. I don't care how many times you tell me they're small and won't hurt me, it doesn't change the fact that I'm deathly afraid. Logically I know (most) won't harm me, and, of course, I'm much MUCH larger and smarter than them, and even some bugs are good, but I can't control my reactions (did I tell you about the time I nearly threw Drew when he was a baby because of an earwig on my arm?) so how is he supposed to control his? I don't want him to share my fear! I want to teach him bugs are okay; there's just no possible way for me to be near a bug (besides a fruit fly) and act normal.
I'm thinking of buying some fun books about bugs. Any other suggestions?
I feel your pain. Katie developed a terrible phobia of needles and, by extension mosquitoes (whose mouths are needles). Brian had/has an obsessive phobia of spiders - he searches every room or hall he enters and can spot spiders that no one else would notice. Peter has a phobia of worms, which made it difficult for him to walk to the school bus on rainy days and still makes it hard to work in the garden.
ReplyDeleteFrom what I've read, the only effective therapy is slow, frequent introduction and experience of the phobia-inducing item.
As you've noted, it is NOT rational. The anxiety is out of proportion to the actual stimulus. By controlled experience of the stimulus in small doses, we can (I've read) re-learn our anxiety reaction.
SO, in theory, getting Drew a "bug jar" and collecting a pet bug (haha!) and letting it go might help. But you would have to do it many times. Maybe Jason could do this with him?
You are also right that modelling the appropriate behaviour is a good idea. Maybe you could do the "bug therapy" with Drew? And there's nothing wrong with acknowledging to him that you're afraid of bugs, too, and that you want to learn how to be less afraid. That's good modelling also.
Now you've inspired me to write a blog post about this, too.
The bug jar is a fabulous idea! I think we might do that this summer! I really think it will be good for both of us. I actually got a little better for a brief period in Costa Rica (after the cockroach incident) and I think it was because of continuous and unavoidable exposure. I'll actually have to see if I can dig up a picture of me with a very large grasshopper on my head (I STILL can't believe I did that... the things you do when you're relaxed, and trying to impress a guy :P)
DeleteI think the bug jar is a great idea, and maybe taking him camping, or at least "camping" in the backyard, a few times to expose him to bugs in his environment would be a good idea. Maybe after reading some books and taking care of a few bug pets in the jar?
ReplyDeleteAnother idea: come out to SF someday and I can take him to the California Academy of Sciences- they have a large "rainforest" built in the middle with butterflies flying around, and some interesting reptiles, amphibians, and insects in little terrariums (separated from the rest of the dome). It could be fun!
Oh, I have a little 'bug' item that I have been holding onto for about two years, wondering when would be a good time to give it to Drew. I think it might be now. I'll bring it down with me next time we visit.
ReplyDeleteAwesome!
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