Well, I'm admitting it. I've finally come to the realization that my happiness is completely tied to food. And not in the sense of, "food is the only thing that makes me happy," or, "when I'm depressed I shove my face with food." No, I mean if I'm grouchy or in any kind of bad mood it's almost 100% sure that I need to eat.
I've known I've had a problem for a long time, the problem was realizing the extent of it. See, if I'm grouchy or feeling down and depressed and I feel hungry, the solution is obvious to me. I've known for a long time that me + hungry = monster.
The problem is when I'm grouchy or feeling down and depressed and I don't feel hungry.
Let me illustrate: Yesterday I was trying to prepare a grocery list. At our house this actually involves quite a bit of time because I'm a coupon clipper. I peruse the grocery store flier for sales, then search my coupons for any spectacular deals (sales and coupons combined means only pennies for some items!), then I browse the internet (www.time2saveworkshops.com) for any other awesome coupon match ups, then I start making a list. Well, I was NOT feeling it yesterday. I couldn't even get myself to sit down to even concentrate on just clipping coupons from the Sunday paper. I stood up and told Jason, "I'm done with today. I don't care. I want today to be over with." (Because, you know, not being able to make a grocery list is the end of the world, right?).
So we decide to head to the grocery store with a very minimal list. I'm still feeling down and miserable. Then it dawns on me.... I haven't eaten lunch! It's 5:00 at this point, and I didn't eat lunch. I don't feel hungry at all, but I obviously am. I tell Jason I've forgotten to eat, so he, knowing just how much of a monster that can make me (and obviously sensing my already unstable state) quickly reroutes and takes me to the Taco Bell drive-thru. After a quick snack of nachos and cheese and a delicious Limeade Sparkler I'm smiley, giggly, and practically prancing through the grocery store (I also got a big cupful of chili to sample when I walked in, so that helped too!).
My mom has been aware of this problem for a long time, but I've always snapped and snarled when she's told me I need food but I don't feel hungry (sorry!!!). There was always something about thinking she knew my body better than I did. "I am NOT hungry so WHY are you trying to feed me!?"
But it is a problem, and not just for Jason and my mom who have to deal with my moods, but for Drew too. Because when I'm hungry but don't feel hungry I get too easily frustrated by him. I get annoyed when he won't eat properly (remember me getting upset about him smiling instead of eating!?), or when he yanks my hair, or when he flails his legs and arches his back during diaper changes. All three of those things often make me laugh, or at least smile, but when the "hungry but not hungry" monster strikes, it is a completely different story.
So the solution? It's pretty simple, right? I need to eat all my meals, whether I feel hungry or not. This might take setting an alarm, or having something for lunch already picked out and set aside... I'm not sure yet. All I know is that it's silly to keep letting myself get to the point of feeling like "it's the end of the world" simply because I haven't eaten. Oh, and snacks! Keep snacks on hand, like in the diaper bag or my purse...
My CF doctors will be happy by this realization too as I am continuing to lose weight and falling farther and farther below my pre-pregnancy weight. While it makes me admittedly quite happy to fit into jeans I haven't been able to wear for years, it also brings the worry of having to quit breast feeding in order to keep on a proper amount of weight and not fall out of the "green zone."
So, I'm admitting this on my blog both as an apology to everyone who has had to deal with me (namely friends and family, but also poor strangers, like cashiers and well-meaning KFC workers) and as a way to hopefully make myself more aware of the issue and work on being better.
This is also a free pass to my mom (and any others who care to use it) to say "told you so" or even "I think I see some orange fur sprouting and some claws poking out... are you sure you don't need to eat something?"
When I read the title of this post, I thought you were going to say that Drew is walking! (Precocious little boy!)
ReplyDeleteI remember when I babysat you when you were little, if I asked you or Laura if you were "hungry," you'd both say no. But if I asked if you would like some [insert yummy food here ... pudding, chips], you would inevitably come running for a snack. Peter and Brian are much the same way; eating just doesn't really occur to them. So I think your idea of having snacks handy is a great one. Just seeing it may give you the idea to eat something.
I have suffered the same "hungry, but not hungry" thing for a long time. I can easily forget meals when I'm concentrating on something big...but then implode. It even affects my ability to think. Have you ever tried to order from a menu when you're starving? Nothing looks good. Can't make up my mind, but I know I need some protein pronto. Ross will need to order my meal when I'm "too far gone" to eat. I keep yogurt at work, cereal bars in my purse, but it took me a long time to figure this out. It's good you're on to it now.
ReplyDeleteLol @ Wynn Anne- I didn't realize this went so far back!
ReplyDeleteAnd Pat, that really does sound just like me! I burst into tears in front of a waiter at a restaurant once and he ran away and basically told the kitchen to stay open longer (it was almost closing time) so I could decide what I wanted. I actually often turn to fruit juice or coke when I get really bad- the sugar kicks in quickly and starts to make me feel at least a little better...
My roommate and I call it "debilitating hunger syndrome" or "DHS" when you're way past the point of hunger and you pretty much can't do anything. I've known for a long time that I have this same problem (and much worse than you I think) and yet it's still hard to get over it, because it's hard to eat when you're not hungry, and even harder to have someone point out that you're being moody because you haven't eaten when it seems like such a stupid thing to do to yourself. But after bursting into tears when my pizza fell on the floor the other night (after many many things failing at lab and way too long without dinner), I realized too that snacks are the best! I usually have almonds or cashews in my bag. And boost is always a good pick-me-up (even if it is pretty awful). Take care of yourself, Diane, you've always been my role model! :)
ReplyDelete