Patience and Trust, part 2

In an early post I talked about how I had developed a mantra, "patience and trust" that helped me get through the first few weeks of uncertainty with this pregnancy.  I talked about how I had to resort to simply letting go and trusting God's plan as I waited various test results and time between doctor's appointments.  Patience does not come easy to me, and trusting God was something somewhat new to me as well.  But repeating this to myself got me through, and I am happily here only 5 weeks away from meeting my son!

In my birthing class we were told to pick one or two mantras (from a list) to help us get through our birth- affirmations that would help keep us positive and focused.  I liked a few from the list but ultimately decided on "patience and trust" because I know it worked for me before.  I know I will have to let go of my time schedule... I know will exhaust myself and ultimately put myself in a place where I'm unable to continue if I'm counting down hours of labor and exactly how long each contraction is, and how long I stay in each phase, and how long it takes to dilate... I also know I'm going to have to trust that my body knows what to do and is capable of bringing baby into the world safely.  And again, I will have to trust God's plan.

It seems before I even get to that point though I am turning to this mantra yet again, though in a completely different realm.... I got news from my principal today that I am to be "reassigned".  That means I will likely be at a different school next year, though I don't yet know exactly where (or what even) I'll be teaching.  My principal had no information regarding where I'll be going, or even when I will know (that's where patience comes in!).

I love my school.  From the very beginning I felt like I was part of a family.  The teachers are so positive and caring for not only their students but each other as well.  I never knew adults could work so well together!  After my student teaching experience and my first year teaching at a high school, I didn't know that teaching could make me so happy!

Even more than that I love my team.  I work very closely with the PE teacher and the music teacher.  They have been great mentors to me as I've grown in my teaching career.   They've taught me how to be compassionate and how to use my class as a tool to nurture and grow students.  They have always been supportive of me, and especially right now they've gone out of their way to make sure I make it through the end of this year with as little stress as possible.

And as much as I complain about the little rascals, I love my students.  I teach a very diverse population, but that's what I love!  I love being forced to re-think myself and to having to understand where they are coming from.  I know they have taught me as much, if not more, than I have taught them.

As I think about being reassigned my biggest worry is that my reassignment will put me back in a high school.  I am certified to teach K-12, but I truly don't want to go back to that.  It was one of the most miserable time periods of my life.   I'm even nervous about possibly being put in a middle school.

On top of that I simply don't feel mentally prepared to go through the work involved with a reassignment.  Having to pack up my classroom is a task I don't want to undertake right now (I can hardly move the stuff around enough to simply store it in my closets right now!).  And I am not excited about having to set up in yet another classroom next year.  Nor am I happy about having to readjust yet again to a new principal (we had a new principal this year at our school), or having to learn to fit in with a new staff, or having to design my curriculum yet again.  I tend to be bad about approaching the new school year with dread, even where I'm happy.  I already knew next year would be tougher than normal returning to work since I know I'm not going to want to leave baby.  I fear I will have a horribly hard time doing it now with the extra work that I have to face.

But I am (actually WE are- my fellow teachers are included in this) giving it up to God.  They believe He will keep me at my school, but that if not, that His plan is greater than that. I know my principal has advocated to keep me- she wrote to the county justifying why I am needed at the school.  She even offered up two paraprofessional positions in order to try and keep me.  She told me her biggest hope right now is that they can't find anywhere else to put me so I get to stay.  But if I don't get to stay, maybe it's for the best.  Maybe I'll be closer to home so I can spend more time with baby.  Maybe I will have a great team at the new school too....

So all I can do right now is be patient as I await more news, and trust that God won't give me more than I can handle.  When I start to worry about what next year will bring I just keep telling myself "patience and trust".