I keep reading that by now a lot of women are having dreams of baby. So far I haven't and I was starting to feel like a bad mom! But I finally had my first dream of Floodling.... unfortunately it wasn't about getting to meet him, what he will be like, or any of that cutesy stuff... it was terrifying!
I dreamt that I had Floodling now (like 28 weeks pregnant now). In my dream I apparently had started having minor contractions (or something) and went in to the hospital to be monitored. The next thing I knew I had a baby! (I think this stemmed from having read a couple of premature birth stories last night).
Of course, being premature, he was tiny, but in my dream he was not the 14.5 inches and 2.5 lbs. that he supposedly should be at 28 weeks, he was about the size of a tiny frog. No, not a frog like this:
But a tiny tree frog like this:
At one point he came unwrapped from his miniature receiving blanket (it was probably the size of a kleenex) and he literally started to try to hop away. I was trying to hold on to him clenched in my hand like you would a frog or any other small animal. When babies are born premature their skin is incredibly delicate so I was terrified of hurting his skin (or even his bones! I swore I heard a bone snap!). I was bawling as I tried to hold on to him so he wouldn't jump away and he was crying too because I was hurting him (you had to hold him to your ear to hear the cry it was so tiny). I was trying to call for a nurse to come help, and she finally did... She got him calm and had to wipe his poor skin with ointment because his skin had in fact been hurt. Then she got him swaddled again.
I asked her why he was so tiny. She said "well dear, you gave birth at 28 weeks". I was like "I'm only at 28 weeks!?" I had apparently not realized I'd given birth so early. It still seemed strange to me that he should be that small, but I said nothing else. It did hit me though that we had nothing ready for him! We couldn't take him home! Granted, in real life if he were to be born right now he would spend a lot of time in the NICU before we brought him home, but the feeling of being unprepared was really overwhelming.
So it definitely wasn't a cute "can't wait to meet my darling" dream... it was terrifying and weird. I'm sure it says a million things about my mental state right now, not the least of which is my worry that we won't be ready in time, or the fear of giving birth prematurely. But why was my mental image of him frog-like? Why did he try to "hop" away? Why did I have to hurt him to keep him safe?
Diane, you have some very vivid dreams!
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