Curiosity killed the cat

I had another weekly OB appointment today.  Everything is looking good... in fact they're looking really good.  The doctor said his head is very low (she could feel it!) and I am apparently 1.5 cm dilated and 75% effaced!  For those that may not know, those number refer to the cervix- how much it has opened and how much it has thinned.  These are good signs that things are progressing well, however it doesn't necessarily mean labor is imminent.  In fact, it's very possible to be dilated even up to 3 cm. for weeks before giving birth.  It is good to know that things seem to be working properly so far though. The doctor said if she had to guess she'd say he'll be early but I'm still taking things day by day (though getting a little more serious about packing my bags and practicing my breathing and relaxation techniques!).

I was a little disappointed in myself for going ahead with the pelvic exam today... let me explain. They had told me last week that they really only do pelvic exams towards the end (weeks 39 and onwards).  I was kind of glad that they had this kind of "laissez-faire" approach because to me it signaled less medical intervention and more willingness on their part to let nature do what it does.  I've read that pelvic checks are unnecessary anyway seeing as how the numbers don't really mean a whole lot and on top of that, why disturb things? 

Well, the nurse today asked if I wanted to be "checked" and I said no, though I told Jason after she walked out that I was honestly kind of curious.  Then, instead of the doctor, a student came in next to do the preliminary stuff- she measured my uterus and checked Floodling's heart beat.  But when she wrote down the "size of my uterus" she said "hmm..." and came back and measured again.  The doctor then re-measured when she came in and asked when the next ultrasound was.  They didn't really say anything but I was suspecting they were concerned about his growth.  I was actually measuring at 35 cm.  Normally you measure just around the same number of weeks you are.... so I should measure around 37 cm.  Now, I have no idea at all what my measurements have been like all along, but I had that feeling that things weren't quite right so when she said she wanted to do a pelvic check I said ok.

My worry  is that when it comes to being in labor I'm going to be that easily swayed by small suspicions and worries.  In wanting to do an unmedicated birth I really can't allow myself to simply be "pushed" into what the doctors want.  I know they mean well, in fact, I know they mean to do what's best, but I don't feel that some options really are best at the times they are offered.  I'm scared I'm going to say "okay, give me the pitocin" if they suggest that the baby is getting stressed, or that I might say "okay, go ahead and break my water" if they suggest that the baby is getting too tired and breaking my water may move things along.  Neither of those are bad options, just not options I want to choose without the proper amount of thought and consideration.

I'm mostly blaming this one on "curiosity killed the cat" but I'm also taking it as an appropriate "warning" of how easily I do let my emotions get in the way and allowing it to make me think about how I want to respond when presented with "unwanted" options while in labor...